Aside

“Grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift” Ephesians 4:7 ESV

Sometimes I’m looking for a place where I could just scream out everything that I really wanted to say to a group of loving people who would give me a High Five! And, then… grab me by the shoulders, look me in the face, and say, “Feel better? Good. Now, take a deep breath, and get back to it.”

That’s pretty much how I feel when my children come home from visiting with their other parent.

Our family is truly a blended family – I have 2 daughters from my first marriage, 4 children from my second marriage and my Knight has 3 children … all 9 of them live in our home. Our visitation arrangements are crazy and pretty much mean that somebody is returning to our home every weekend. We celebrate homecoming with a family dinner every Sunday night. It’s loud and fun and we just give up on taking turns talking.

But then …..

Bedtime is different than at that other house.

I left my favorite blanket at Dad’s.

Can I call Mom just to tell her good-night?

I *hate* sharing a room!

I don’t want to sleep alone – can I sleep in your bed?

Homework? No, Mom didn’t want me to do homework on her time.

Chores? I do EVERYTHING around here!!!

The list can go on and on and on.  And some nights it does …. for hours.

Martin and I implemented something called the 24-hour rule in our home just after we were married. It’s really a “rule” for ourselves…. a reminder. These children have been outside of our care and influence and it just takes time for them to get back into the swing of things.Depending on the time away, sometimes this phase lasts longer than 24 hours. Our expectations are always the same but their reactions to our “rules” are often more emotional (angry and/or tearful) and that’s when we choose to show mercy. It’s not easy! I can quickly grow weary of repeating myself when it comes to a certain child’s “addiction” to everything electronic and another child’s eye-rolling, back-talking attitude. And then I’m reminded …

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9 ESV

Father God is patient with me in His discipline and in His fulfillment of all that He wants for me because His desire is for me to reach repentance.

THAT is my desire for our children. Not that they just stop, drop and roll right back into THIS HOUSE way of life but instead that they are tenderly and gently loved into seeing right from wrong and making a wiser choice.

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.” Matthew 5:7 ESV

Lord, Today I need your mercy poured out according to Christ’s gift to me. I know that You are able to make all grace abound to me so that in all things I will be sufficient in Your good works. It is my desire, Father, to lead my children by example. You have graciously given your mercy to me, I pray that I pour out the same, through Your strength, to my children. Thank You, Father for loving me with an everlasting love. Amen

Today I dare you to show mercy in the situations that come your way. Knowing that circumstances are often the underlying reason for the reaction of others can help you to give when it comes to mercy.

Love to you!

~katy

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Divorced? Christmas morning

7:52 am Christmas morning 2009

It’s quiet. I slept late. Did the kids already see what Santa brought?

Oh.  wait.

The kids, they’re gone – with him. And it’s Christmas.

That was my first ever and one and only Christmas morning alone. And I cried, a lot. One would sometimes think that being a single Mom to 6 and a day alone, a day of quiet and no work, that’s a gift all in itself. But one would be wrong when it comes to holidays and divorce.

Emotions are a funny thing for me.  I’m pretty sure that my main emotion on that Christmas day was sadness.  But my emotions went something like this …

Sad>Lonely>Blessed>Lonely>Mad>Entitled>Lonely>Blaming myself

It wasn’t pretty.

That line doesn’t really do it justice though.

I’m sad that it’s Christmas morning and it’s different.

I’m lonely well more like, I’m completely alone here.

But wow! I have given birth to 6 blessings, they are mine to love and raise and they will be coming home to OUR home very soon.

But …. My babies are gone right now.

Stupid divorce(s).  I can’t believe our marriage ended and here I am (again). These laws, parenting “plans”, are just wrong – I’m the Mother, I deserve them, right now in my home.

And I’m alone.

Because I did this. I let this happen (again). I let him walk away, I helped him leave. Right now, this minute, would be better with him… we could make it work, right?

Even 4 years later the emotion is real.  The questions, the statements, it brings this pit to my stomach that seems to not really go away.  Divorce does that to a person.  Clearly one of the reasons that I think God hates divorce, because it hurts His child ….deeeeep… in a place that He can heal but a place that leaves a scar.  I’m so thankful that He, that God, knitted together my innermost being, because He knows where to find the pit of my stomach.

And as I ponder, there are things about my story that God knows just as deeply as my innermost being.

He knows the pain of being apart from His son.

John 3:16-17 “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.”

Setting aside the Oneness of the Trinity, God sent His son, apart from His presence, apart from His home in Heaven.

Essentially, God woke up Christmas morning without His child, just like me.

Months before (just like me) He had to set things into motion, He had to start letting go (just like me), He sent an angel to tell Mary, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the baby to be born will be holy, and he will be called the Son of God.”

Sometimes I get caught up (especially in the moments of emotion like above) in believing that I am all alone in my pain.  I can talk myself into believing that no one has felt this sadness before or known this disappoint like me. I even go so far as to say that while 50% of American families are sliced apart by divorce, none of them have my painful situation. The depth of my pain has never been felt.

And I would be wrong.

The differences in the stories are grand. God’s Son was away from Heaven for years and His one and only purpose was to take upon Him the weight of the sins of the world, my sins, and to suffer the ultimate punishment of separation from God the Father– it was all in His perfect plan to reconcile each of us to Him.

My children are away from my presence for short amounts of time.  They are enjoying the love of their own father in the absence of their mother.  They are not suffering or being led to a higher calling.

But I am.

I am called to be Christ-like.  The very definition of referring to myself as a Christian means that I am like Him.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

And Jesus said in John 10:20 – I and the Father are one.”

Jesus also said in John 14:15 If you love me, you will keep my commandments.”

And the commandment in John 13:34-35 –A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Or in Matthew 22:37-39 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Sometimes we think that commandment to love is easy – sometimes it IS easy.  But with divorce …. That commandment to love can be hard.

I know.

That Christmas morning I didn’t feel a lot of love for the man that had fathered my children and had taken them away for the moment – but God was still calling me to love.

Slowly, as I learn to put my children first, I am learning that the commandments of Christ, and of God the Father Who knows my suffering, are essential.

Just as God the Father wants me to be like Him, through imitation of Christ the Son, I the mother want my children to be like me, and they WILL do that by imitation.

Father God, I pray today that you will make me more like You.  Father show me how to love ALL even in the midst of my pain.  Thank you Father that you knit me together and that you know my innermost being, forgive me for the sin that You find still there.  I praise You Creator for all that I have, indeed, it is good.  Amen

Today – I dare you, divorced woman, to allow God to see your innermost being (He created it anyway).  I dare you to give Him your pain with the knowledge that he “gets it”.   I dare you to live according to His commands and love ALL.

Today, I dare all of you to share – statistics say that at least half of the people you come into contact with in every day life (whether in person or online) are touched by divorce.  Help us show them that God has a calling even for them.  A calling to love one another.

Humbled to be asked to write this by Him, thankful to walk in obedience today.

Love to all – Katy

If it takes a village …. why do I feel so guilty?

In the ring tonight:

PARENTING vs PROVISION

 My oldest memory, and the call on my life, PARENTING is here for the fight.  By definition, the rearing of a child, epsecially the care, love and guidance given by a parent.  Training was on the job and many years ago, and has basically been handed off to others for large chunks of time.  This leaves PARENTING  going into the fight feeling defeated.

 Favored for the win tonight is PROVISION ….  the art of providing the needs particularly for parents to their children.  Food and shelter seem to not be enough in this day and age, instead PROVISION must also supply a steady stream of technology and activities to keep BOREDOM at bay for she is always in the wings ready to enter the fight.  Sinking economy, every day emergencies (like no A/C in the house and no brakes on the truck) and a demanding work schedule does have PROVISION on edge, so the fight may be till the bitter end.

 

The arena is my heart, my soul, my mind.  It never seems to end.  This constant battle of what is best. 

Obviously I am writing from the dilema of being a single mom and that makes my circumstances slightly different but when I look at my happily married, stay at home mom/dad, friends, I would think that they must have the same inner struggles. 

I struggle even now with what to share here.  I am perplexed and defeated right now.  I look at those above definitions and I wonder who should win.  I know the answer is that there HAS to be a tie.  A happy medium and a balance.  The scale tips heavily to the provision side for me these days though and my biggest heartache is that my parenting is falling to the wayside. 

My budget, on paper, allows for us to live a fairly normal, though frugal, lifestyle.  I kept my home in the divorce and my child support pays for it.  My cars are paid off and praise GOD I have no outstanding debt.  That leaves my income as a retail manager to pay for everything else.  The problem comes in when we don’t live by that paper budget to the letter.  When summer starts in GA mid-April and the a/c needs a charge and then a couple weeks later the brakes went out on my truck.  Of course those are emergencies … but I will admit that even in every day life I find it hard to stick to only what I need.  It is SO hard to sacrifice a warm gooey pizza delivered to the front door after I work a 9 hour day and come home to whiney kids.  I used to be really frugal with eating out, we still follow the only drink water rule but now the $1 menu may have more selections but the portion is just not enough.  But before I get lost in retail food world …..

It is summertime at my house.  Last year, my first year single, things were difficult between the kids but we made it the 9 weeks and everyone did ok.  This year …… sigh …. it’s not going so well.  Many, many, many people have told me I am wrong to leave my teenage daughters in charge of my little ones.  I know that it has been discussed behind my back and I also know that from the outside looking in it doesn’t seem like a good solution.  And now, we have hit the hard times.  It’s NOT working.  Outside of my home, Brittney and Sarah have both been babysitting for many years.  I pride myself on the early years of parenting I taught my girls to be loving sisters  and just in general helpers.  They do well …. everywhere else.  But for reasons that each and every one of us have likely experienced but really don’t quite comprehend, it’s really hard to be our best with those we love the most.  Maybe I set my expectations too high.  Maybe Nicholas turning 13 … and learning to stand his stubborn (your NOT in charge of me) ground.  Maybe taking away cable/satellite TV.  Maybe and most likely, my own parenting when I’m home failing to near nothing.  Maybe it’s all or none of those but I know it won’t continue to work.  I can’t run my business and field phone calls of … he won’t do his chores … the boys are fighting … there’s nothing to eat … Alli is whiney … I have had to ignore a possible emergency in my home to wait on a customer (no worries, just another He will NOT LISTEN) and I have had to just hang up out of frustration …. What do you want me to do from 20 miles away??????   I can’t be at work and at home.  I can’t enforce rules from afar.  I can’t break up a fight or just sit and cuddle because that’s all she needs.  But the biggest of all ….. I CAN’T NOT WORK.   And PROVISION takes the win. 

So, I pondered what to do.

The clear vision that I want of a community working together just doesn’t exist.  It takes a village to raise a child?  Then why am I alone raising 6?  And more than that, why does my heart pound at the very thought of making this a public blog?  I am beating myself up as a failure already.  And then I get angry…. at me….. for not calling on my village. How has this society so influenced me away from calling out to my friends and loved ones?  There is NO way I am the only one that has that feeling.  Sure I need a night out or to go to the grocery store alone or to have a work day when I don’t worry but …. all of you have a life too.  Just as busy as mine.  I can’t ask YOU.  I can’t burden you.  And to top that, my large family lends to me being even MORE withdrawn from asking.  Most people don’t even drive a vehicle big enough to seat 1 or 2 extra children … certainly not even half of mine.  So … it’s just too much to ask.

And before you panic.  I’m not asking. I’m pondering.  I can’t get past this whole that I’ve dug myself.  And this is a VERY controversial thought I’m  putting out there, but one that I think about sometimes.  I can name names (I won’t) and I can point out many many others in society that take full advantage of the programs our government has put into place to help those in need.  I won’t make judgements of the programs or even of the people accepting.  I enjoyed my WIC food when the children were younger.  I have been a part of the system.  But …. let’s just say for arguments sake …. I got laid-off from my job tomorrow.  And then I told a little fib about exactly how much support I get.  And don’t think for one minute it can’t be done!!  I wonder, how nicely would the government support me?  I could sit home with my babies and love them every day.  We could eat some really good food.  Would it be enough to live?  I’m thinking I could get away with a lot in that area. 

And again … before you panic, lol.  I’m not going down that road either, unless something really bad happens. 

PROVISION does win right now.  The good thing is, I really enjoy management … not so much the retail world, not so much even the franchise I work for (since they are not real good at keeping promises or interested in rewarding those who work hard).  I enjoy the reward of work.  I have a years worth of numbers to show I am good at what I do.  I have an intense desire to learn more and better than that a competetive spirit that likes to WIN!!  So at least I am not burdened with a mundane task that puts food on the table.

PARENTING  just can’t lose though.  And for that I need your prayers.  God has a plan for my children.  God has a plan for my place as the parent.  I need to align with His plan.  I need to follow His instruction manual in raising them and discipline (yes, girls, that part is on me too) and instruction.  More than that PARENTING usually happens just by living what we want our children to be.  I indeed want my children to all become great parents and great providers so …. the fight will continue.

My mind is the biggest battle field today and I just need to accept that in the ring is where the fight is supposed to happen.  PARENTING and PROVISION  both have to walk away from the fight bigger and better.

 

 

1 year different

One year ago this very hour I sat in a quiet courtroom watching as a higher power gave permission for marriages to end.  It was the room with the EASY button hidden somewhere because each case had already been decided by partners and lawyers and the judge was only there for the formalities.  Visitation schedules and child support payments were really the only discussion …. the truth of broken committment was never questioned.  I questioned it.  I held back sobs that had already bruised my lungs in the parking garage before coming in.  And the whole time I berated myself for being emotional at all.  This WAS my choice.  I was the one standing there and asking permission to break a promise.  And the very core of my soul still knows it is not the choice I agree with making.  Marriage=Forever.  I still believe that.  And yet …. twice I have made that promise and twice I have failed at keeping it.  I remember the judge asking if we had exhaused all possibilities of staying together and I remember that my answer was spoken with strength and purity.  Yes.  I did all I could. 

Why a sad day today then?  Why an anniversary at all?  Because it is one year different.  A year different than any I’ve ever lived – as they all are – but more a year different than any I ever wanted to choose to live.  A friend said this morning … one year stronger.  I am not stronger.  I am weak.  I was stronger when I had to pretend that everything was okay.  I was stronger when I was in survival mode, barely able to get out of bed from the waves of depression drowning me.  I was stronger when I was choosing to love him, choosing to serve him, choosing to keep a committment.  Now I am just me doing life.  I am a mother.  It is my responsibility and my pleasure to provide and love and find a balance between those 2 things.  A job does not make me strong.  Having 6 children in my care does not make me strong.  I don’t even feel the need to be strong.  And THAT is the difference.

The song You Raise Me Up comes to mind.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up… To more than I can be.

Praise God that He carries me on His shoulders and that He is is my joy and my strength.

Things I have learned in a year:

*My teenage daughters are way stronger, more mature, more beautiful and more of a blessing than I ever imagined children could be.  Brittney and Sarah I would not be surviving without you.

*Jumper cables are really not that hard to use every.single.time I have to mow the grass.

*Emergency brakes work in emergencies (like when the brakes go out).  And there are people who are willing to help a stranded lady at midnight.  Thanks a million Russell and Nick Grahmn.

*Plumbers are very expensive!!   As are HVAC contractors and roofers.

*Sometimes a sick child has to go to school. 

*Working mothers don’t love their children less … they just make the most of quality time.

*I am horrible at reading/signing papers.

*I need a secretary to file important documents.  Car titles and birth certificates should NOT be found under the printer that hasn’t worked in years.

*Co-sleeping is an alternative to crying myself to sleep at night.

*I think I was lonlier when I was married … but the depth of lonliness I sometimes feel is a black hole.

*Garbage pick up is worth whatever it cost.

*The weedeater is taller than me.  And again … worth paying someone to use.

*Water dripping from electrical outlets means there is a roof leak.

*Christmas morning is the saddest time in the world to be all alone. 

*Poor in the eyes of the government requires lying … and I refuse.  I don’t need your childcare help!  Thanks 2 million to Amy Dobbins for being the other mom.  The better mom. 

*15 minutes of silence driving home from work is necessary. Just trust me. 

*Kids can eat cereal for dinner.

*Why fast food restaurants are doing so well.

*My small group loves me.

*Jesus loves me.

*I will never be alone. 

And the list goes on and on. 

I am one year different.  I am one year closer to forever. 

 

Before the morning (Josh Wilson)

I don’t know how far I will get with this nor if my emotions will be expressed as strongly as I feel them but I want to at least try.  I’d ask you to close your eyes … but then you couldn’t read, lol so ……… I sit here with my heart pounding, to the point of knocking and the rythm is calling out encouragement to so many people.  And it is echoing backwards into my soul, into my past.  I know that it echos there because I made it here.  Before I get too far lost in where I was and why that is so important to where I am I have to give credit where it is due.

Josh Wilson has a new song out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZDQzR8LK-c&feature=related  

Feel free to stop and watch/listen now before you read but if you don’t have time now, listen sometime soon.  It is so so worth it.  I haven’t delved into the entire story yet but there is a documentary video also on youtube with the story behind the song.  Incredible in and of itself. 

The best way for me to do this for me may be difficult for those of you reading, and I apologize but time prohibits me from coming up with a better manuscript right now. I am going to just type out some of the lyrics here and put in my own story as I see it.

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now 

I’m sure there are some of you out there that didn’t have to see me living this question. And for those of you who were there by my side, YOU told me day in and day out that He was still there.  In 2007, in the midst of a failing marriage and reluctantly joining the work force for the first time since becoming a mother, I began a downward spiral and what I call a Faith crisis.  My former pastor used the analogy of faith as Forsaking All I Trust Him … with that as my definition, there was certainly a crisis.  I didn’t trust God anymore.  I had known about Him all of my life, KNOWN Him as my own, and me as His own for 10 years.  I had served Him, prayed to Him, worshipped Him with my whole heart and I was getting slammed by life.  I wondered why I had to feel the hurt and IF God loved me, where was He??

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

And with this phrase my heart pounds again …. because now I CAN see.  I still don’t know the why, I don’t know all of the lessons I learned and I don’t know how my God was glorified but I do know that if today were the end, it is better … way, way, way better

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing

Oh friends … can you DARE to believe?  For those of you struggling with life, with something really really big, with sickness, with hurt, with loss; with something you think trivial … that counts too.  Can you dare to believe that you still have a reason to sing?  My soul trembles with the magnitude of this next line –

 Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

Pain is a personal thing.  The depth of your own pain is not something that someone else will ever truly understand because they will never feel your pain as you feel it.  My pain was a lonely pain.  Not in the sense of thinking no one else had ever had a failed marriage or had to leave their sweet babies to pay bills but more in a sense of I felt alone, all the time.  Crazy right?  Here I am, a mother to 6 with parents and siblings, a church family and friends galore and I am telling you that I felt completely alone.  My soul was in solitary confinement.  Somehow I had trapped myself there.  I cried out and heard my own voice echo back.  Regardless of the words I cried the reply  of the echo was all the same … hopeless, worthless, unloveable, ALONE.  That kind of pain is just a black hole – no ending.  And tears pour down my face now as I tell you, declare to you that that depth of pain, that loneliness, it is nothing, NOTHING in comparison to the JOY.  It can’t compare.  There is no way to describe to you. I am thinking of a scale, a true balance of life will bring us pain and it will bring us joy.  When I was on the pain side of the scale, it was heaviness, weighted all the way down with the chain pulled to its length but now I am on the joy side and it is sitting on the table with the weight of goodness that I feel. 

So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

People told me this.  They told me to wait on God, press onward, keeping fighting.  I didn’t want to fight for light anymore though.  So many days that I wanted only to …. well, to die.  I even question that as I write it.  Was I really there?  Really to the point of wanting to end my life?  And sadly, despite the blessing of my children and a fairly good life, yes, I was there. It was the darkest of darkness before the morning.

My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer
And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

 I think in my confinement, my loneliness, I knew that at least there was an end.  There were times that I wanted to die because even in my confusion, I knew my salvation, that heaven awaited me.  I knew where I was going at death, I just couldn’t figure out how I would get through life.  There’s a bigger picture?  Aren’t we overwhealmed with the snapshots of life? Your struggle today is NOT bigger than the big picture of life, I promise. 

Once you feel the weight of glory all your pain will fade to memory.  Would you dare, would you dare to belive that you still got a reason to sing? Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling, it’s JUST THE HURT BEFORE THE HEALING!

It truly amazes me how weight can be heavy in a good way and heavy in a bad way.  I think we all understand the bad heaviness.  Hurting, stinging tears, bullets from the mouths of those we thought friends, daggers thrust deeply into our self-worth, a sword slicing any shred of hope for a future. But today, I feel the good heaviness.  The weight of unashamed joy that is a cup full to overflowing and has to pour out onto others, that MUST  because it is too heavy to stay all in one place.  Just for a drop to fall on any single one of you that is hurting, that is my prayer.

HOLD on, please wait for the light, press on.  I am writing this because even in my abundance of joy my heart is heavy for many.  For a man in leadership that is struggling with direction of his ministry, for a friend whose marriage has only a thin thread of committment left, for the one who is drowning in depression, for the other who is leaping into selfishness day after day, for the sweet child whose body has been attacked by cancer and abused by the only treatments we have to help her, for the beautiful girl who makes herself sick daily just to produce a body to please others, for the other who hides in quietness and solitude too often because she doesn’t feel she will amount anything. I could fill page after page with the hurts of just the few hundred people in my circle of friends.  I can only pray that the words in this song will reach past where you are now.  I said above that they echo into my past.  I held on through the deepest pain that you are feeling.  And in the end, the pain does not compare to the joy I am living. 

I know that God is using this song, this man and his ministry.  I pray that the truth, the wisdom that is there find soil and take root in lives that would otherwise not be changed. 

 



 

Cookies

I can’t believe it’s been 3 months since I’ve written.  As I reflect, though, I don’t see where I would have had time.  I can’t even really go back and recap all that has happened since Brittney’s birthday.  I know that Nicholas, Jacob and I all had birthdays, I know that Easter was in there and Mother’s Day.  Mostly it was just work though.  There is so much I could say about my job.  The job that was hope.  The job that allowed me to do some of the things I wanted.  The money was nice.  Paying bills on time, having an emergency fund and blow money.  (yep, putting Dave Ramsey training to work).  But I can tell you that the scales were seriously off-weight.  My 4am-2pm shift at KK allowed me to pick up the kids from school and “be there” the rest of the night.  But I wasn’t really there – EVER.  And most nights I would end up staying up until 11 just to get things done for the next day.  That leaves 4 hours of sleep.  That left me ….. exhausted is not even the right word.  Sleep is a funny thing.  I figured out quickly that I could function that way.  I used a little more make-up and honestly my emotions were mostly fine.  I still had the same JOY that lives in me every day.  But there was so much I was missing.  I will have to write a formal apology letter to the teachers of my children.  I don’t think I even opened a communication folder the last 2 months.  I know I missed snack days and field trip forms and was behind on lunch money.  Sitting at the end of the year programs last week I realized all the other things I had missed.  GOING on field trips, easter egg hunts, muffins with mom (my child was the one sitting there without a mom).  My heart aches … not the kind of sadness that one feels sometimes but an honest pain inside my chest, a constricting and fighting the tears that well up inside me.  I have to ask myself how all that happened?  And I don’t have an answer that is enough.  It was just a job. 

So for anyone who doesn’t know – was…. past tense …. I no longer work for Krispy Kreme.  Someday I may actually tell some of the horror stories of the job, I know I will never forget the lessons learned.  Sadly, my world grew, my knowledge of people grew and I can’t say that it was a good thing.  I am a trusting and caring person.  I was abused.  I was USED.  I was subject of horrible rumors and gossip.  And I was told that I just needed a thicker skin, to take things less personal and to CHANGE WHO I AM in order to work in the retail world.

I believe God made me who I am.
I am a child – HIS child, a precious and loved child of the King that is protected by a Father.  His creation.  I can not, I do not desire to, change who He has made me.
I am a mother.  Not just any mother.  I am THE co-creator of the children in my home.  They came from my flesh.  The will, under no circumstances, never be on a priority list under any job.  Providing for them financially does NOT mean putting them down the list.  Yes, I will have to make sacrifices as a single mom.  Yes there will be times that I miss things and days that I wish I could be here for this or that.  I do, afterall, have 6 children. 

And I am out of time. 

At this moment I am headed to the my very first day of training at the Mall of GA.  Within the next couple of weeks I will be the manager of the upstairs Great American Cookie Company.

I can’t wait to share with you the wonderful story of how God orchestrated this job.

I can’t wait to share with you how God continues to work through every day life because I am following His will and direction for my life. 

I can’t wait to see all of you local moms and kiddos at the mall.

I promise to write again soon.

happy birthday

SWEET 16
BRITTNEY