I’m suddenly obsessed with my email! *blushing
Well, not really but I do find myself checking it frequently. The yahoo group I joined has over 1800 members, most of which came there to talk about someone they love being addicted to this game. I am still in shock at how wide-spread this is but sadly every story is the same. I’m going to write some things down hopefully as a journal of my journey out of this world. I honestly hope that no one here will criticize me for my deep feelings and more than that I hope no one will think too badly of my husband. This is the man that I love – he’s being a jerk right now (Grace says that’s normal 😉 ) but it doesn’t change the fact that there WAS a reason I fell in love with him – and somewhere he is still that man.
Just today I read a comment that really made me think:
Now just in the past couple of weeks that I have been here, a few of
our SO’s have come around to joining the ranks of reality, and we are
fortunate to also have recovering addicts who have figured it out for
real with insight and honesty.
Now I know I should just “get over it” regarding Mothers days gone
bad, but thats not the problem. It would be so much easier to just
blame the game. He forgot MDay cuz of the damn game…he doesnt hold
his responsibility with the family cuz of the game…she wont go to a
funeral cuz of the game…He ignores me cuz of the game. WAKE UP!!!!! Blaming the gaming is a cop out and yes, its deeper than that. And those who are so lucky they’ve cut back their wow time(myself included) and began behaving normally again, sure enjoy it while it lasts. I dont know about the others. I can say honestly though in this, that our marriage was dangling by a thread even before WoW was a
serious issue recently. I am no happier in the past two weeks as I was two months ago being ignored. Wow gave me the excuse to detach and stop trying. Its tangible and easy to explain. Its easier to explain than we have nothing in common
anymore. His ways of this and that are no longer acceptable to me. His phoney oblivion is a mask of his indifference. My husband is a very smart man and I have been lucky to see him at his most insightful, intuitive, and considerate self when he has bothered to put the effort into it. However those times are too few and far
between at this house. Unfortunately for this wow widow the game is not
the root of the problem as I dont wish this on any of you fine ppl. I do however want you to sit back and take a look at what MAY be the actual issue after the honeymoon period you may have now is over.
So, how WAS our marriage before the game? Do I remember before the game? The honest answer …. I wasn’t easy to live with. Then again – neither was he! Before WoW became such an obsession we didn’t spend a lot of time together anway. Let’s face it…we have 6 kids. 3 of those came in the last 5 years. I have literally been pregnant or nursing since Aug 2000. Wonder what kind of hormonal mess my husband has been living with. I honestly wonder how we even conceived those last two babies…..yeah, yeah…it just takes one time, hehehehe. My life has been all about babies. I KNOW that I wasn’t meeting his needs of being a man, being the hero, being the hunter…all that jazz. I understand that he had to look somewhere else for that. I’m even semi-ok with the fact that it’s a computer game. BUT – somewhere in my childhood I got in my mind that fantasy/dragons/magic/witchcraft were all one in the same….all from satan….ALL evil. So I’ve had a bad attitude, resentment, anger towards gaming since we met. I’ve fought him even having it in the house. I’ve fought him allowing the kids to play. There’s been MANY battles over gaming. I’ve relaxed about it a lot. My kids have seen LOTR series (though I still can’t bring myself to watch) and they’ve all held a character in WoW. I have set the limits at the kids playing WoW with live chat so they don’t play much as it is a game that requires teamwork. I know that some of my resentment has to do with these deep set feelings and I know that some of his determination to play has to do with letting me know he’s not going to stop just because I don’t like it. Where was I going with this? lol
So, yeah – even if WoW disappeared today our marriage wouldn’t be instantly healed. On top of the fact that there were already “issues”, I have some very deep hurts from the past few months. Things that I don’t know if I’ll easily get past. Ralph is one of the calmest, soft-spoken men I’ve ever met. [used to drive me insane…I NEEED to argue.] In the last 6 months I have seen him lose his temper at least 4 different times. Now, you may not think that’s too bad – BUT…that’s 4 out of 6 or 7 times in TEN YEARS. And it usually happens when I’m interrupting game-play. It’s like he’s in another world.
Anyway – that’s a start to what’s going on here. I don’t know what I’m going to do. My new friends don’t seem to have any answers….just like any addiction, the person has to WANT to change. For now I really want to see a counselor and hope to work some of this out. More than that – I really want a restoration of the hurt that I’ve felt for God and the church over the last few months. These feelings have built a wall thicker than Jerrico and I’m ready for the marching to begin and the sounding of the trumpets. Anybody up for carrying the ark?