Cookies

I can’t believe it’s been 3 months since I’ve written.  As I reflect, though, I don’t see where I would have had time.  I can’t even really go back and recap all that has happened since Brittney’s birthday.  I know that Nicholas, Jacob and I all had birthdays, I know that Easter was in there and Mother’s Day.  Mostly it was just work though.  There is so much I could say about my job.  The job that was hope.  The job that allowed me to do some of the things I wanted.  The money was nice.  Paying bills on time, having an emergency fund and blow money.  (yep, putting Dave Ramsey training to work).  But I can tell you that the scales were seriously off-weight.  My 4am-2pm shift at KK allowed me to pick up the kids from school and “be there” the rest of the night.  But I wasn’t really there – EVER.  And most nights I would end up staying up until 11 just to get things done for the next day.  That leaves 4 hours of sleep.  That left me ….. exhausted is not even the right word.  Sleep is a funny thing.  I figured out quickly that I could function that way.  I used a little more make-up and honestly my emotions were mostly fine.  I still had the same JOY that lives in me every day.  But there was so much I was missing.  I will have to write a formal apology letter to the teachers of my children.  I don’t think I even opened a communication folder the last 2 months.  I know I missed snack days and field trip forms and was behind on lunch money.  Sitting at the end of the year programs last week I realized all the other things I had missed.  GOING on field trips, easter egg hunts, muffins with mom (my child was the one sitting there without a mom).  My heart aches … not the kind of sadness that one feels sometimes but an honest pain inside my chest, a constricting and fighting the tears that well up inside me.  I have to ask myself how all that happened?  And I don’t have an answer that is enough.  It was just a job. 

So for anyone who doesn’t know – was…. past tense …. I no longer work for Krispy Kreme.  Someday I may actually tell some of the horror stories of the job, I know I will never forget the lessons learned.  Sadly, my world grew, my knowledge of people grew and I can’t say that it was a good thing.  I am a trusting and caring person.  I was abused.  I was USED.  I was subject of horrible rumors and gossip.  And I was told that I just needed a thicker skin, to take things less personal and to CHANGE WHO I AM in order to work in the retail world.

I believe God made me who I am.
I am a child – HIS child, a precious and loved child of the King that is protected by a Father.  His creation.  I can not, I do not desire to, change who He has made me.
I am a mother.  Not just any mother.  I am THE co-creator of the children in my home.  They came from my flesh.  The will, under no circumstances, never be on a priority list under any job.  Providing for them financially does NOT mean putting them down the list.  Yes, I will have to make sacrifices as a single mom.  Yes there will be times that I miss things and days that I wish I could be here for this or that.  I do, afterall, have 6 children. 

And I am out of time. 

At this moment I am headed to the my very first day of training at the Mall of GA.  Within the next couple of weeks I will be the manager of the upstairs Great American Cookie Company.

I can’t wait to share with you the wonderful story of how God orchestrated this job.

I can’t wait to share with you how God continues to work through every day life because I am following His will and direction for my life. 

I can’t wait to see all of you local moms and kiddos at the mall.

I promise to write again soon.