I can’t believe it’s been 3 months since I’ve written. As I reflect, though, I don’t see where I would have had time. I can’t even really go back and recap all that has happened since Brittney’s birthday. I know that Nicholas, Jacob and I all had birthdays, I know that Easter was in there and Mother’s Day. Mostly it was just work though. There is so much I could say about my job. The job that was hope. The job that allowed me to do some of the things I wanted. The money was nice. Paying bills on time, having an emergency fund and blow money. (yep, putting Dave Ramsey training to work). But I can tell you that the scales were seriously off-weight. My 4am-2pm shift at KK allowed me to pick up the kids from school and “be there” the rest of the night. But I wasn’t really there – EVER. And most nights I would end up staying up until 11 just to get things done for the next day. That leaves 4 hours of sleep. That left me ….. exhausted is not even the right word. Sleep is a funny thing. I figured out quickly that I could function that way. I used a little more make-up and honestly my emotions were mostly fine. I still had the same JOY that lives in me every day. But there was so much I was missing. I will have to write a formal apology letter to the teachers of my children. I don’t think I even opened a communication folder the last 2 months. I know I missed snack days and field trip forms and was behind on lunch money. Sitting at the end of the year programs last week I realized all the other things I had missed. GOING on field trips, easter egg hunts, muffins with mom (my child was the one sitting there without a mom). My heart aches … not the kind of sadness that one feels sometimes but an honest pain inside my chest, a constricting and fighting the tears that well up inside me. I have to ask myself how all that happened? And I don’t have an answer that is enough. It was just a job.
So for anyone who doesn’t know – was…. past tense …. I no longer work for Krispy Kreme. Someday I may actually tell some of the horror stories of the job, I know I will never forget the lessons learned. Sadly, my world grew, my knowledge of people grew and I can’t say that it was a good thing. I am a trusting and caring person. I was abused. I was USED. I was subject of horrible rumors and gossip. And I was told that I just needed a thicker skin, to take things less personal and to CHANGE WHO I AM in order to work in the retail world.
I believe God made me who I am.
I am a child – HIS child, a precious and loved child of the King that is protected by a Father. His creation. I can not, I do not desire to, change who He has made me.
I am a mother. Not just any mother. I am THE co-creator of the children in my home. They came from my flesh. The will, under no circumstances, never be on a priority list under any job. Providing for them financially does NOT mean putting them down the list. Yes, I will have to make sacrifices as a single mom. Yes there will be times that I miss things and days that I wish I could be here for this or that. I do, afterall, have 6 children.
And I am out of time.
At this moment I am headed to the my very first day of training at the Mall of GA. Within the next couple of weeks I will be the manager of the upstairs Great American Cookie Company.
I can’t wait to share with you the wonderful story of how God orchestrated this job.
I can’t wait to share with you how God continues to work through every day life because I am following His will and direction for my life.
I can’t wait to see all of you local moms and kiddos at the mall.
I promise to write again soon.